Week 1 with Newborn & 7 Days Postpartum
Well here we are. 7 days PP.
PP is short for Postpartum. – the period after birth.
Every mom has been there. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s really good, and other times it’s not the greatest. The one thing we all have in common with PP is that we have an AMAZING baby, the light of your life at the end. How can one not be just satisfied with that?
I definitely am! I’m not gonna write this post to school you on PP or PPD (Postpartum Depression). I’m not gathering the facts or laying it out there. Here’s how my first week with a newborn in PP is going.
This is PP. 7 days in fact, my baby is a whole week old, and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s already been alive and well fed and kept and loved, actually loved in our arms for 7 whole days. I really have developed a fear over the last week of him growing and getting older. I know there isn’t anything I can do, but it gives me such anxiety and I have to talk myself down from it. Being a mom is an AMAZING thing and opportunity and I now could never go back to my old self or the way I was.
PP is sitting in the bathtub with your legs to the side because you are scared to open or sit criss cross, talk about a tear after pushing a 7 pound baby out. PP is taking that first bathroom trip and thinking it was worse than the labor itself. PP for me this week is still getting the shakes, and nearly crying every time I laid my son in his bassinet next to our bed to go to sleep at night and wondering if he is going to be okay and checking on him, literally every 3 minutes. Just wearing myself out even more. PP for me is being tired already of wearing the mesh panties. My breasts hurt. I had clogged ducts by day 3. My baby broke my tailbone when I was pushing him out. No one talks about how excruciating a tailbone issue is. It has been a constant struggle.
You feel like you can’t catch a break. There is a fine line between PP and PPD. I am not depressed. I am overjoyed and overwhelmed by this child. I enjoy taking care of him. I wait for him to wake up. I could sit and stare at him all day! I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel left out. I don’t feel cooped up, or like I am drowning.
As far as my first week goes, yes I’ve been peed and pooped on, and spit up on. But we have cuddled and napped, and we have been eating to our hearts content! It feels amazing not to be pregnant, if I am being completely honest! That first moment I laid down in my bed without that extra weight was PURE relief. I laugh every time he stretches, grunts, whines, or smiles that milk drunk smile.
The Hardest Part
The hardest part by far is breastfeeding. This is the one area that I have felt like a failure. In the hospital I was breastfeeding and he watching latching on surprisingly well. There were a few problems with him latching toward the second day, but the nurses and everyone kept encouraging me. By the next morning after being at home, I just knew he wasn’t getting enough, so I started the bottle and started substituting with formula. I felt so bad. I couldn’t help myself. And no, I’m not bashing any other mom or dad for using formula. I have nothing against formula. It’s just, I was so excited to breast feed, and knowing he wasn’t getting enough just yet, or I felt like he wasn’t getting enough, I felt like a bad mom because in my head I feel/felt like he wasn’t getting what he needed.
Also, pumping is exhausting. My supply has been so low. Even when I build up enough, or not really enough, but just enough to give him 1-2 bottles of breast milk, (because I get excited), I end up running out and pumping like crazy even though I’m pumping around the clock, so then I once again have to substitute with formula.
So by far this has been the hardest thing for me to cope with. I did purchase a nipple shield, and it has helped tremendously, but we are still just practicing on latching on. He will latch and then get frustrated if he doesn’t get milk right away. It’s overwhelming! We are going to keep practicing though!
All the late nights are not that bad, yes I’m tired, but it’s totally worth it. I could never go back to my old ways or self. I will forever care for this little boy. By the time this post will actually post, cause let’s face it, I’m a new mom and I feel bad if I put him down for more than 10 minutes, I’ll be 10 days postpartum, but it’s all the same still! I just need to learn how to balance my blog life with my new mom life. I really do miss it! I’ll get the hang of it soon! I still can’t quite believe that this little guy came out of me, and is the result of my husband and I. He’s our mini. It’s a HUGE thing to wrap ones head around. I just know I love this little boy so much!
I would tell you my labor story but that’s for a different post and day. This mama can only handle one right now!